Category Archives: Product Reviews
Get Free Lunch & an Exit Row: Secrets to a Good Complaint Letter
Remember the barista who coughed up a spitball the size of her front tooth into the latte at Starbucks? (Still waiting on the response Starbucks) the American Airlines representative who booked my ticket starting in the city I was going to and wouldn’t change it without my buying a second ticket? (I still don’t fly them) When your path crosses someone who didn’t do their job well, you want to make sure the company knows about it. While I’m sure you want to go all sabre-wagging, “Oh no you didn’t!” crazy on someone, simmer down. Trust me, the pen is mightier than the sword.
First the zen part of this; the act of writing out what happened to you is going to make you feel better. All corporate offices get feedback from their customers. The bad ones ignore it. The good ones read it. But the great ones act on it. So if you want a great company to act on something bad that happened to you, follow my simple rules for writing a complaint letter:
1. Don’t get crazy. Dropping the F-Bomb in your first sentence is not going to get you the attention you want. And painting yourself to be more of a saint than you actually were is not going to win you any brownie points. Write your account of what happened and then sit on it for a few hours. Go back and take out the undue emotion. You’re dealing with a company here, not your spouse who hangs on your every word.
2. “Just the facts, Ma’am.” Joe Friday said it best. Companies want to know what happened and how it made you feel about them. “I delicately set my suitcase on the weigh station when the ticket officer lunged at my throat and screamed, “IT’S TOO HEAVY!!” is not going to do you any favors. Because unless that letter is accompanied by a police report, we all know that’s not how it went down. Try “I was really disappointed in (insert company name here) when your XXX did YYY.
3. Offer them an opportunity to make it right. I always like to use, “I’d like to think this is an opportunity for you to show your customers what you think of us.” It’s like telling your Mom, “I just want you to love me.” Cue harps, angels and hopefully a discount.
4. Remind them how this experience doesn’t jive with what they advertise. I give shout outs and props to the cats at Delta. They got a new head of customer service or something, because the folks listening to my in-flight complaints about broke down TV’s, arm rests and the like are actually listening. I nearly fell off my chair when I told them that their new multi-million dollar ad campaign was not in line with my experience. They said two words that made all the difference, “You’re right.” Do huh? I’m right? From a corporation? They followed up the e-mail with a nice pre-stamped paragraph that basically read, “we’re trying as hard as we can.” They then deposited a few thousand points in my account as an apology. Go Delta!
5. Promise, don’t threaten: Again, don’t get crazy! State facts and promises that will effect the companies bottom line. “My family of 4 goes out to eat at least three times each week. While we frequent your establishment I’m afraid we don’t feel comfortable as patrons in an establishment that will not make good on such an event as we had last time.” You just told some shift manager that he’s about to lose a boat load of money. If he’s not smart enough to resolve this, you really shouldn’t be going to this joint.
6. Finally, act on those promises: You have to do it. If no one tries to make good on your situation, it’s time to bolt. It’s the same reason you don’t stick with an abusive lover or eat hot dogs from the street corner. You just won’t be able to live with the feeling in your gut that says you shouldn’t be here anymore. But then drop a note to the company on occasion letting them know you’ve spent hundreds or thousands of dollars with their competition.
Follow these simple steps and let us know how it goes. If a company reacts well or poorly, we’d love to hear.
Lady Gaga Album Release Only $.99
Some have called Lady Gaga a modern-day Madonna (and for the religious zealots out there, I’m talking about the one from Detroit). Her music is as fascinating today as Madonna’s was in the 80′s. They both used their artistic creativity to entertain us, break barriers in live performance and elevate the zeitgeist of social minorities of their time.
Today Lady Gaga releases her latest album. And it’s only 99 cents on Amazon.com. As a die-hard i-Tuner you can bet I was apprehensive to try a new download service. But the allure of Gaga for less than a buck was too tempting. And I’m happy to report, it works. There is one extra step the first time you download the album to your Amazon cloud. But the rest is super simple. Click on the Gaga below to get started.
What the Frozen Yogurt Industry Can Learn From Cigarettes
There is a reason the government mandated cigarette boxes carry warning labels. It’s to deter you from smoking. When you have to carry around a box that reads, “May cause low birth weight” and “Increases chance of cancer” the theory is you may smoke less. It wasn’t until last week that I found out the frozen yogurt industry didn’t get that memo. If you put the actual effects of your product on the box people DON’T want to buy your product. This is especially true if you post a big sign in your shop offering your customers a chance for decreased diarrhea and a shot at conquering rheumatoid arthritis. Where’s my spoon?
Much loved by post-step class sorority girls and tweens alike, frozen yogurt has been a part of Americana for decades now. But my-oh-my how far yogurt has come. The latest trend to hit the west coast is the serve yourself yogurt shops. They start you out with a bowl the size of a toddler’s head and invite you to fill ‘er up. We visited one of these shops last week and the next thing I knew I had a bowl of three yogurts with three toppings. But as we sat down to enjoy dessert I noticed the sign below that touted the potential “benefits” of yogurt.
With the Huckleberry yogurt with sprinkles I found out I was swallowing a chance to lower cholesterol and strengthen my immune system. Delish! But as I moved to chocolate and coconut shavings I found out this yogurt was helping me with my osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis. My what? I have what? I’ll call the doctor on Monday. But I finally hit my panicky tailspin while enjoying vanilla with strawberry tapioca. I read that my yogurt would also act as an anti-carcinogenic and anti-tumor agent. I have tumors? What? How could I have missed those at my annual physical? Screw my doctor. I’m selling my place and living out my last days on the beach.
Maybe next time we just let the digestive benefits of yogurt stay on the down low. We will let frozen yogurt take a cue from breakfast, instead of cigarettes. You read the side of the Fiber One box while enjoying your morning cereal. Nowhere on the side of the box do you see expedited bowel movements or sudden urges to grab a magazine and head to the toilet, but you know what’s coming at the bottom of the bowl. It’s an understood agreement between you, your breakfast and now your dessert–while enjoying you can look forward to a heaping helping of fungal combatants, we just don’t have to talk about it.
Stop Putting Your Junk In My Can
Just when you thought your lunch couldn’t get any more disgusting, Candwich, the sandwich in a can is now hitting shelves and soda machines. Peanut butter and strawberry jelly, peanut butter and grape jelly and even (turn your gag reflex off) BBQ chicken are packed in cans with white processed buns. The manufacturer claims them to be great for camping, children and construction workers. What other foodstuff has ever claimed to be equally good for construction workers and children? And if these flavors don’t appeal to you BBQ Beef, Pepperoni Pizza and Cinnamon Roll with Chocolate Sauce are on the way.
While the site touts them to be the ultimate convenience food, in actuality the PB&J can contains a bun, and packets filled with peanut butter and jelly. So it’s really a DIY lunch project than super-duper convenient. And at over 400 calories a pop, you would be better off making a PB&J at home and throwing it in your bag. Or God forbid you, your child or your construction worker eat a salad.
In our over-processed world where school lunches consist of pizza, chips, and a Trix yogurt bar; and our pantries have been stuffed with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Powder, isn’t it time for a nutritious lunch or two? Cheeto’s come in 21 flavors, not because Frito Lay thought of their Mighty Zingers Rajin’ Cajun and Tangy Ranch blend, but because we are buying them. We are telling food manufacturers what to make when we spend money on their pasteurized dairy products and whipped corn oil and sugar (aka Cool Whip). So, if you would like your kids growing up thinking that sandwiches come from cans and cheetahs eat puffed corn chips, Candwich is the sandwich** for you.
AT&T pooped in my pants!
When my sister was three she got in big trouble. Summer had started and she was ready for potty training. But one afternoon in June and much to my mother’s chagrin, my younger sis filled her diapers. But even a three-year-old knows how much trouble she would get into for tripping up the brand new potty training, so she looked for the next person to walk in the room to blame all of her troubles. Through sobbing heaves she announced to my mother that this load was not her doing. The mess was was my cousin’s fault. ”Tricia pooped in my pants”, she wailed. Logic that only a 3 year-old could believe. Or is it?
Yesterday Apple published a letter 
announcing that the new problems with the much awaited iPhone 4 were AT&T’s fault. There is a super-secret algorithm that AT&T uses to let you know how many bars are in your area. Now, I challenge you to find 5 people in your life who are actually pleased with the AT&T service on their iPhone. AT&T has gone so far as created an app for your iPhone so you can more easily report dropped calls. So, why would Apple build a new platform on faulty service? Good question. And one we will not be answering today.
But now Apple is blaming AT&T for their phone not working. ”Upon investigation, we were stunned to find that the formula we use to calculate how many bars of signal strength to display is totally wrong. Our formula, in many instances, mistakenly displays 2 more bars than it should for a given signal strength.” Apple, one of the greatest brands in history is stunned? I doubt it. I think they just underestimated how bad the problem actually was. So, has this fixed your iPhone problem? No. You will just now more accurately know how many bars you don’t have while you are covering up the antenna with your hand. We’ll just blame AT&T, an easy target that happened to be walking by.
In the end my sister got spanked (it was the 70′s, spanking was allowed) for lying and blaming other people for her problems. Apple, if my Mom happens to stop by Cupertino with a switch from the yard, please remember you have been warned about lying.
P-p-p-porky Pig Now In a Wal-Mart Freezer Case
It’s hard to watch Wal-Mart commercials touting fresh ingredients, organic options and healthy choices when you actually get to the store. On our most recent trip Pork Chitterlings seemed to be the hot item of the week. For anyone not from the south, pork chitterlings are Babe’s intestines. They are typically simmered or stewed with pepper and onions. But with 260 calories and 26 grams of fat in each 3 ounce serving, I’m not sure I would look to this as your new “go-to” source of protein. Oh, and that they are pig intestines doesn’t help their appeal.
Thank God We Passed Health Care, Taco Bell Has Shrimp Tacos.
Oh honey, no good can come of this. Taco Bell, known the world over for piling refried beans and mystery meat into drunken collegiate at 2AM is taking their swing at seafood with the new Shrimp Tacos. I don’t know about you friends, but I think this just has botulism written all over it. Granted, I’m not a big water food fan. But most of the folks I know like their scrimps cooked well, and not hiding under a big ole’ pile of processed cheese and wrapped in a lard laden tortilla. When you are known for high brow fare like the Bellbeefer, Meximelt and Chalupas, I hardly think you’re ready to take on shrimp.
Having spent the better part of my high school years toiling over the Wendy’s Superbar, I can tell you that your shrimp will not be grilled to order. You will most likely get microwaved fare; or best case scenario, a nice hot water bath that will hopefully wash some of the air-born illness from the third world country from whence it came. If you tried them, let me know how they are. And, if any, how many Tums you had to take after.
