Category Archives: Entertainment Reviews
Lady Gaga Album Release Only $.99
Some have called Lady Gaga a modern-day Madonna (and for the religious zealots out there, I’m talking about the one from Detroit). Her music is as fascinating today as Madonna’s was in the 80′s. They both used their artistic creativity to entertain us, break barriers in live performance and elevate the zeitgeist of social minorities of their time.
Today Lady Gaga releases her latest album. And it’s only 99 cents on Amazon.com. As a die-hard i-Tuner you can bet I was apprehensive to try a new download service. But the allure of Gaga for less than a buck was too tempting. And I’m happy to report, it works. There is one extra step the first time you download the album to your Amazon cloud. But the rest is super simple. Click on the Gaga below to get started.
Sex and the City 2: All dried up and in the desert
The fifth cast member of Sex & The City used to be New York herself. Unfortunately, due to contract disputes and apparent riffs between Lady Liberty and Darren Star, she was replaced by Abu Dhabi. Die hard fans of the show will be sorely disappointed as the ladies dodge and weave through sand dunes, spice markets and turbans. Remember the time when Samantha took the girls to LA, and we just couldn’t wait to get back to the city? It’s that same feeling, but for 2 1/2 painfully long hours.
The first 20 minutes of the movie are an awkward hop, skip and a prance down Memory Lane. Yes, they got everyone back for the movie and found a fairly contrived reason for them to all get together. Stanford and Anthony’s wedding is a big gay spectacle wrought with painfully uncreative stereotypes. Anthony announces that they are having an open marriage as swans, the gay men’s chorus and hunky cater waiters fill the background. Thank you Mr. Star and SJP for painting gays in such a positive light. We really need that press right now. If you had done a better job at tying up the “no marriage is a bad marriage” theme, we might not look like a galavanting troupe of whores. But no one will forget Liza Minelli’s rendition of Single Ladies the same way you never forget grandma coming to Sunday dinner in nothing but a button down and knee highs. This, my friends, is what shock and awe are truly all about.
But the pain continued. HBO stands on high ground purporting they don’t do product placement in their series. We’ll save that debate for another day. But this movie is full of more plugs than Mr. Big’s head. Did Carrie honestly turn her Mac in for an HP? Would an Arab first class flight serve cans of Pringles? And did Suzanne Sommers really get 14 copies of her book pimped throughout the course of this film? I get it. She’s the poster child for menopause. But enough already.
And speaking of menopause, if there is another supporting actress in this movie, it’s Samantha’s vagina. From the pills she takes for it to the creams she rubs on it, the only through line Kim Cattrall has in this movie runs right to her barren lady plains. This one trick pony is hardly enough for us to stay intrigued with her character. But when she conquers her sex drive issues, we do get to see a couple of gratuitous butt shots, so we’ll take ‘em as payment for her bad acting. Kim has been in the press lately waving the “there aren’t enough roles for 50+ women” flag. I would say there aren’t enough roles for character actresses over 50 who can only show one emotion, talentlessness.
I know that my venom and anger are nothing more than disappointment incarnate. I spent countless Sunday nights sitting with my best friends anxiously anticipating the antics Carrie and Co. would sex their way into remission. I am afraid that Carrie and friends have mounted their last camel and made their final Manolo-clad trek into the sunset. If you listen closely you will hear Samantha poetically moaning in the distance.
Dancing With The Pseudo-Stars: TV Review
Just when you thought TV couldn’t get any more ridiculous, Dancing With The Stars this week did their darnedest to push the boundaries by launching “Stories Week”. The show already has built in drama–will Buzz Aldrin kick it? Can Pamela Anderson wear fewer clothes? And can Kate Gosselin dance more like Chewbacca than she did last week? So why the decide to amp up the excitement is beyond me. But in this action packed TV event the contestants told interesting stories using, wait for it….dance. And after letting all of the dancers from yesteryear who didn’t get picked for the 2010 line up strut their stuff for scale, the games began with Evan Lysacek.
I’m throwing down the gauntlet. If Evan Lysacek isn’t gay, I’ll do backflips through the WWE final bout wearing nothing but a pink boa and heels. He can wear as many bad Ed Hardy hats he wants, but he’s not throwing me off the trail. I’m putting him in the Ricky Martin “I told you so ten years ago” bucket.
Buzz, you can try to sap me to death with this whole “daddy coming home from war” shtick, but in the end, no amount of patriotic propaganda can convince me you are alive or a good dancer. I hope Ashly is making double what everyone else is pulling in. She’s got to simultaneously dance and prop up Buzz’s corpse. There is a reason I think of Zombieland every time he’s on screen. But with the average age of the show’s audience topping out at 62, I think Buzz will be safe yet again!
Did anyone tell Jake Pavelka he’s not on The Bachelor? After his shmoop-fest with Chelsea, “I just can’t concentrate when you belittle me like that” I was waiting for On The Wings of Love to cover a montage of his abs. It would have been better than his dancing. I wonder if he gives her a rose this week.
Niecy Nash’s heartwarming tale of unrequited bi-racial love was a better story than it was a dance. She put her heart into it, but forgot to bring her feet. Niecy, I think your agent will be fielding more requests for serious roles, but whoever dressed you like the mirror ball needs to be shot. A cubic zirconium waistband on a white dress is NOT a good idea for a full-figured lady.
Chad and Cheryl threw out a fairly non-descript Pasa Doble. Did anyone else see the little shout out from George Lopez, undoubtedly in the audience whoring out his talk show. And is it just a coincidence that Bruno threw in a little Clash of the Titans into the critique vernacular? I think there’s a promotional budget that just wrote another check to ABC.
And then the crazy came to town all dressed up like Charo! Fresh from the Botox clinic, Charo was here to teach Pam Anderson how to flamenco. Pam handled Charo the same way you do a crazy Aunt who forgot to wear clothes to dinner–lots of smiling and nodding, with very little eye contact below the chin.
Aiden Turner, your only chance at winning this thing is taking off your shirt for 10 weeks. I don’t care how many cute babies you drag out to woo votes. Next!
Erin and Maks performed the most interesting waltz of the night with her blindfolded. If serious journalists want to be taken seriously when this is all over they should not whip off a blind fold and twirl it above their head like a girl who just finished a 3 minute shift on the pole. Just a suggestion.
Kate Gosselin decided to show the world her hatred of the paparazzi. Really? You hate the people who keep you relevant? I didn’t think so either. And it’s quite evident that her makeup artist is not a big fan of hers. The sedated drag queen look is not going to win her votes. It was just weird.
After that mess, Nicole could have just showed up and played hopscotch for two minutes wearing a gunny sack. But instead she and Derek totally stole the show. The judges on the other hand took turns ripping them new ones for technicality. Frankly, I think if you’re producing a show where Kate Gosselin and Pam Anderson are dancing for civil liberties and animal rights, you have to really loosen up a little.
Folks, this is not a show for the faint of heart or high of standards. If I were a betting man you’re going to see Buzz and Kate in the bottom two. Predictions anyone?
Sky Mall Kitties
Oh, I’d love to say that we wouldn’t love a dog version of this. Props to my friend Pam for turning me onto the best mockery of cat lovers this week! At least I think it’s a mockery. Maybe it’s a battle song for cat lovers, and I’m just a jerk. Either way, enjoy!
How to anger 3000 people in under 20 minutes!
Kathleen Battle attracts drama both on and off stage. Having graced loyal fans and over-coiffed onlookers with her take on Bach to Brahms, her voice is technically amazing. But being a Diva keeps the concert halls filled and her name in the press– when she bothers to show up. On a recent trip to Carnegie Hall we tried to survive The Battle.
Simply getting to the stage is an art form. Her grand entree came a solid 15 minutes late. First the assistant comes out to adjust the mike, pull out the bench, put her music on the piano and beat it. Then the accompanist and assistant would come back out following her. Covered in a sea-foam ball gown and draped in a matching table runner, that incidentally could have been easily picked up on the corner for $5.00, the crazy began. She looked like a cross between a Disney cake topper and a Miami brothel owner. Smiling and nodding, she entered to thunderous applause, cheers and praise. And then it happened. Someone took a flash photograph. The room turned into a legion of gasping seals, on the edge of their seat, and ready for the real show to start.
The Battle began an awkward Kabuki-style dance, covering her face with the table runner, squirming like an 8 year-old in church and mimed “no takey picture” to the audience. The offender, not familiar with Kathy’s poor charade skills, snapped another. Oh sweet Jesus! Now what? Have you ever seen a dog who doesn’t want to take it’s medicine? It will clinch it’s jaw, look into the distance, and refuse eye contact. After a few moments of this, The Battle then sent the assistant offstage. After returning, he was sent out again to presumably have the offender dismissed. Why she didn’t get on the mic and say, “No pictures, jackass” is beyond me. But I guess that’s not how you sell tickets.
And like manna from heaven, the silence was broken and she began to sing–for a few minutes.
During one song she stopped, not once, but twice. I have no idea what she was singing, and apparently neither did she. But the accompanist had to show her where on the page she should be going. Oh, that’s right. She wasn’t off book! Remember she had the music on stage with her? I frankly believe that Carnegie Hall lies somewhere north of a table read in your career. But I’m no Kathy, so what do I know? Half way through the first act she just stopped and left the stage. And so did we.
I can’t tell if Kathleen is fighting for her own new reality show on Bravo. Or she just thinks this whole thing is funny. But she successfully continues to disappoint with her childish antics. We watched a school group hold up signs reading “We Love You Ms. Battle” at the beginning of the show pick up their cell phones by the time we left. If you’re not drawing people in with your talent, you’re pushing them away with your personality. Because frankly, we can watch this crap at home.
For more on Kathleen Battle check out this Time Magazine article:
Stories about her pettiness are legion: the time in Boston she telephoned the management of the Boston Symphony Orchestra to complain that the Ritz- Carlton’s room service had put peas in her pasta; the time when, feeling chilly while riding in a limo in Southern California, she used the cellular phone to call her management company in New York, which phoned the limo service, which phoned the driver, who turned the air conditioning down; the time in New York when she and Luciano Pavarotti competed to see which could arrive later for a dress rehearsal. Battle has a penchant for changing hotel suites in the middle of a stay just to vary the color of her surroundings. After her appearances at the San Francisco Opera this season, the backstage crew sported T shirts that read: I SURVIVED THE BATTLE.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,980151,00.html#ixzz0gY3naMn0
